-the blured heaven and hell

2007-12-27T07:02:00.000-08:00

feeling freaking retarded.. everything is going wrong when i have so little time left for me to enjoy my freedom..

2007-11-04T05:15:00.000-08:00

i went toilet to day and saw this mag lying there so i picked it up to read. it says "mercy sex" this interesting title caught my attention. It is the first time that i come across this term. kinda interesting. the defination of mercy sex is that one party is actually not enjoying it and is doing it due to reasons other den plain expression of love. for eg. a wife doing her "duty", a girlfriend trying to save a depressed boyfriend and even friends satisfying ones curiousity. so interesting right? but isnt sex exclusively for the one u love? and is the most prized reward of love?! maybe i am a little too "old fashioned". kids now adays are really weird.

alright.. and tml is chem paper 3, i tried to study. hope i wun be depressed again after the paper. HELL GIVE ME SOME EASIER PAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-01T21:51:00.000-07:00

i screwed up my a level. what can i do? damn fucked.i was a winner till now, i top in everything, cca, test, IQ. but i am indeed a loser lost the most impt exam of my life.

2007-10-31T08:07:00.000-07:00

time has changed hell lots of things. how society view things changes. Relationship changed too.

from what i learnt there are stages to the physical closes in a relationship

stage1 - holding hands
stage2 - hugging
stage3 - kissing
stage4 - frenching
stage5 - petting
stage6 - heavy petting
stage7 - sex

from stage 1 to stage 7 till which stage is it normally acceptable for a BGR?

to be it stops at 5? but who actually follows this? if one had explored all 7 stages what happen to the surprise on wedding night?

when i first learn this, i rmb some said , wow just nice for 1 week. does relationship really ripe so fast? so confusing. or am i a real dino?

well for some real stuff.. the first 2 days of exam are terrible.. the end

2007-10-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

today is so full of ups and downs...

i woke up at abt 750, a little too late cuz dad was already awake. so i "hide" in my room till he left house which was almost 9. so bloody retarded to be hiding in my room. some 1 off my aircon and some how the remote is not in my room.

started today in school with a long discussing with mr tan on technology. it always have been so much fun talking to him. all the points generated from this simple meeting might be so important to my gp exam if i choose to do the technology question. while discussing i saw jacq tan gd girl huan ling standing at a distance. although i am half blind, this time i saw her and she did not see me! cuz i received a sms "hor bad boy nv go sch" shortly after. so i am not that blind after all!

had KFC for lunch, as usual it is FINGER LICKING GOOD! slurp!

went back to library to study, done physics paper 3 for year 2005 2004 2003, but damn loads of blanks..

well. there is someting i regreted so much today.. that is. i actually let her go home when i had not done what is the most important objective of the day! and she suddenly MIA!! till now!! some 1 told me she might have fallen sleep. but wow since 6 plus? wahahahahahaha really can go farm audition be the star pig!.. hope it is this way, but some how i just dun think that matters are so simple..

Qouted from the famous TAN XIAO "it feels good to love and be loved"

2007-10-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ i love gd girl~ v

2007-10-21T06:42:00.000-07:00

i fought with my dad last night. i might be childish but hell knows my dad is worst. well i am not gonna hide any longer. i dont have a happy family like what i always tell my friends. my dad is a old man with a freaking childish mind and bad temper. he just cant stop make mum sad.

dad, mum need a man, one who she can depend on. who do u think u are, so wad if u are studying, taking up phd in uni. who cares abt that if u cant even give my mum some emotional comfort. she is ur wife, not ur mum. how many time have u look at my report book? well once! in this whole bloody 10 years and u only cared abt my result once, and that once is cuz i got all A's and u felt proud abt it. Where the hell are u when i got all F? when i need a father to teach me what to do how to pick up myself. Where were u all these time? why did u give up a job with a good pay and set up this bloody company that make lost more den income? just because ur fucking boss scolded u once u have to be ur own boss? did u think of us? how much mum have to endure through just to provided the basics for the family. where is the father who will give a damn of my well being? who will care for me? well u did care, u care for my relationship by telling me how ugly my exgirlfrends were. does that matter? did u marry mum cuz she is pretty? maybe u did. mum was so pretty in those old photos, look at what happen to her now.. the work load the stress. dont u feel anything? i need that firm hand on my shoulder. the encouraging smile. when was the last time i got that? like never!? do u know how ugly u looked when u fought me last night? the look on ur face, is not much different from the gangsters that i so much hated. did u realise what u said? u said"i will eat u to death even if i cant win u i will make sure i'll bite u to death" such a caring father i've got. u wanna bite me? is this something a normal 44 year old will say? HELL NO. so did u regret sending me to martial art classes? u cant win me, never! with that immature heart of urs. i will not abandon my parents, afterall i did survive till now. i will try my best to provide for u when it is my turn but pls, dun break mum's heart anymore.no matter what she is a girl. you are a father a husband pls do ur part in the family. throw away the fucking retarded idea that u are the king in the family. that will never happen, if u want that go back to the stone age. i know i am a bloody rebellious son but do think abt urself. ur are not the whole world.pls love my mum as u shd.if u did not realise, mum's younger but her hair is almost white under the dyed cover. and look at ur own head. y is ur hair black? well sorry to say but i thank god that i dun have ur temper

2007-10-19T07:49:00.000-07:00

Today is a weird day for me...

i was so hyper and happy in the day but as night falls my happiness faded.i felt so depressed by many issues..

A level is coming, is jus 10 days away, am i prepared? i dont know.. 13 years of education all for this exam..

i have forgotten how is it to like someone, but sometime i'm really desperate for a hug. i am not even clear of my feelings.. well done..

i am losing friends, one by one their showing their true colours, they are not my true friends..

thinking of the past make me feel that present is such a torture

is hard to have not cried infront of any1 for 10 years.

2007-10-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

ITS ALMOST OVER

it was graduation yesterday, for me it is fill with emotions. However not the usual ones ppl have during graduation. This is a recollection of my 3 years in MI.

i came into this school in late May and screwed up my high school life. As the saying goes "a transferred student must be cheerful on the first day in order to make friends" but i wasn't cheerful at all. i was so unhappy coming to MI, i tot its the end of my education. i Want to go back to JC so much i started skipping school sleeping in class not talking to any1. i retook O level and from 15 points i got 9 but! my sch exam from AAA became FFF at the end of the year. well and for some weird reason i wanna prove myself i stayed in MI. i've no idea even till now if this is right. well to year 2 i made some friends i went to states won some big award, but from this point on i was labeled as a geek. welll ppl dun like geeks. and year 2 was so bad.. i still fail every exam year 3 was much better i made more friends but also found out some friends are not friends. just when my life in mi became a little enjoyable, i graduated. how nice..

recalling my sec school graduation, although its a boy school, we were all brought to tears. The bonds between the boys are so strong. i long for such friendship again but i cant find one. MAYBE ns another all "boy" community will bring me some true friends..

2007-10-02T02:48:00.000-07:00

29 more days to A level.. but i am still not studying as much as i shd..

2007-09-20T04:15:00.000-07:00

as a level draw closer, tx became a emo person. he longs to go out and wild have fun with peeps. approaching a important exam reminds me of the previous, the o level. well.. life was so much simplier back then, but i screwed it up at that time. i was still with her, seems to be the girl whom i had really really loved the most and the girl whom i hurt the most. well now, today tx is single! kinda weird though.. i miss the "mugging" tgt. tx is at the frontline of the battle again... only that this time, tx is standing there like an idiot alone..

2007-09-20T03:41:00.000-07:00

got back chem p1 and 3 , just pass p1 flunk p3 like mad.. soo.... end up flunk whole paper... and my usually hair dresser dunno y decided to go work in malaysia.. zzzzz damn change to a girl hair dresser.. ppl say she is some award winning one... BUT my hair look so kuku now... damn today.... i wanna go club tml but seems like ppl are changing their minds... haix... i wanna PARTY!!!!

2007-09-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

This is the first step tx taken to be a successful man.

TX's PICTURE BOOK

SATAN:"no tx is not kissing the target board tx is thinking of setting a Goal!"

SATAN:"RIGHT NOW THINK!!!"

TX:"i got it"
SATAN:"TX HAS A PLAN"

TX:"i shall write my Goals here~"
SATAN:"Cool~"

TX:"heh heh"
SATAN:"Siao"

TX:"ta ta!! my Goals"
SATAN:"wah lao eh... get real"
GOD:"shut up la satan"

SATAN:"Oi! dreaming of cookies issit!"
GOD:"I SAY SHUT UP!! he seeing his future with his AAB cert lah"

TX:"YES I CAN DO IT"
GOD:"YES you can"
SATAN:"cannot one la everyday day dream only come eat cookies"

tx became a cookie monster and mugging happily ever after....

2007-09-06T07:44:00.000-07:00

dear lord,
i am falling deeper and deeper into this hell i had willingly set my foot in. i am fearing that someone will take her away. even though i know it is impossible for a happy ending i cant let go. but i dont even know how it started. i tried hard to fight back the impulse but how long can i hold on?

lord pls hear my cry
my lord pls show me the way
let me have the wisdom to decided
give me the power to endure
i praise u and worship u
my almighty lord satan.

2007-09-05T06:34:00.000-07:00

dear lord,
i am struggling... to blog or not to blog... not to blog as no 1 visit this blog and to blog as no 1 visit this blog so i can be emo or mean or wadever.

the emo part
i am feeling damn depressed, i am always smiling fooling ard telling lame jokes acting like a monkey and pretending to be damn interested looking at girls. no 1 knows me, no 1 know how i really feel. ppl are saying tx is so cheerful and funny. but who knows wad is going on in my mind within my heart. sometimes i really feel as in selling my soul to the devil is much better than leading my life the way it is now.. deep within there is such intense loneliness that can easily crush me. all i ask for is a soul mate. the song soul mate says every1 will have a soul mate.. but where is mine? jesus christ eaten mine at his last supper?

the repentance
there are ppl whom are my friends that i had been an ass to. to bryan, to elyn, to yiling , to tk.. i am sry..

the speical some1
i tried to stay away from her, abstain from thinking of her. it doesnt help a single bit.. i even tries to make my self interested in looking at some other girl but that other girl reminds me of her again with her backview.. i am so so so so fucked.

2007-08-25T02:21:00.000-07:00

每一个人的心中都有黑暗地带, 只要是人都可能作出可怕的事来. 外表文质彬彬的人也可能在内心是一只恶魔. 每个人都是天使和恶魔的同体, 因情况激发出不同的个性. 人类社会尝试以法律, 道德等的多途径去压制心中的魔鬼. 但我选择了恶魔.

2007-08-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

i feel as if i am losing touch with the world. My memory failed to answer me when was the last time i hang out with anyone i know. My life is a cycle of school, home and school again. i started to spend most of my time alone be it in school or home. Is really hard for me to find people that i can relate to in school. thus, whenever the usually few is no where to be found, i am pretty much alone although the school is supposed to be filled with schoolmates. When ever i am home, there is one thing for sure. i will only see my dog at home because my parents will not be back any earlier than 10pm. After they settle down at home, there are hardly enough time for a proper conversation. i know this is a unhealthy lifestyle but i could not find a sweeter way out.

2007-08-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

To "protect" the students from unhealthy eating habits such as eating fast food, the school have banned the "da bao"ing of such food items into the school. Lets see what is wrong here. In order to be fair , i shall use the 3:2 method while discussing this issue so as to be FAIR to the school.

Is fast food harmful and should be ban in school?

Fast food come forth to shorten the time we spend on waiting and consuming our daily meals. It soon became so popular that fast food joints such as MacDonald and kfc took the cities like storm. While such time efficient way of settling our basic daily needs bring forth many benefits, some may argue that fast food are unhealthy thus compromises our quality of life. Nevertheless, it is evident that fast food had brought forth more good to us than harm in the context of milliennia insttute.

Time saving is an important aspect of fast food in this institution as the queue in the canteen much resemble the ones leading to hell. The multitude of student per break is outrageously huge. This causes many student to either not be able to get food on time or demoralised them so much that they rather move on with a empty stomach. It could be that the canteen vendors are processing the orders with such God-like snails speed of 1 student per min or that the whole school seems to be in the canteen at once. For students in this institute especially the final years, time is equal to grades. Therefore fast food has became the way to avoid the waste of time queuing.

Fast food are also cost efficient most of the time. One usually gets what he or she paid for in terms of quality and quantity. Thus making fast food an irresistible option for meals. Compared to the food that to be found in the canteen, neither the 3 dollar rock hard pizza nor the weird looking chickens can be of competition with the fast food. Naturally, fast food is the favourite option for students to spent their meal money on.

One may argue that fast food are considered junk food which have no healthy value to consumers. Indeed certain selections of fast food are actually healthy hazardous, however, it is not always the case with careful selections. Furthermore, one can see that fast food can actually be healthy if compared with the canteen food which are prepared with generous amount of oil and sometimes over or undercooked. Thus in this case if fast food are junk food, relatively, the canteen food are actually poisons.

The convenience of fast food cannot be ignored as it does make a difference in the student's study. Over spending energy to obtain substandard food from the canteen is considered too much of a waste of effort as fast food can be delivered right in to the school till the depth that a road can take the rider. This increases the quality of life of the students without a doubt.

The final problem with fast food is that it took away chances of making profit from the school vendors. Since this is not a real GP essay, i do not wish to discuss this point or give any comments. i do have a suggestion which is to terminate the service of GT food supply.

Although there are bad consequences of consuming and favouring fast food, the benefits far out weights the disadvantages. Therefore, the School should not ban fast food in the school. Instead, the school should start to ban students from consuming the really "healthy" food in the school canteen.

candidate name: Tan Xiao
Test Centre : MI (singapore)

2007-08-22T05:51:00.000-07:00

sad to say, but the batch of 2005 is going to move on into the "real world" that our teachers tried so hard to prepare us for. Well, i have good and bad memories in this "short" 3 years, thanks to every1 in this school. I am really "PLEASED" that our "last day", also known as the graduation, is going to be another "GOOD" memory that i will take away with me. I totally appreciate the "going-to-be" fantastic, one of a kind graduation TEA that will be held in the SCHOOL HALL. i reckon we well have lots of fun spending our last day in school and marvel at how our seniors celebrated their very same day.

2007-08-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

seriously... i am in God Damn Shit... well.. i am averaging scores that will land me no where for my mock papers.. and click on DOOM >>>>
this is how much time i have till my doom.. i really dun understand y i have to continue a level.. y didn't i go poly after i was expelled 3 years ago? i might have so much fun in poly.. everything is so freaking fucked now..

2007-08-19T05:46:00.001-07:00

i deleted my blog few weeks ago and here i am again blogging.. y? cuz i realised i have got no one to talk to.. i really need a way to pour my hearts out.. i guess this is it.. since i am the really friendless geek working my way between heaven and hell..

recently the past is haunting me again.. event of 3 year ago kept flashing across my mind.. matter got worst it started to conquer my dreams.. i started to find myself waking up with such a terrible heartache and hatred for myself.. i cant even stop thinking of it after i got myself tipsy.. i fucking wish i could drink enough to get drunk and wake up with the damn headache and not with a heartache..

"all sji guys are flirts" true?

2007-08-12T04:47:00.000-07:00

vsvsd